wHy "maren and 1,100 calories"?

Me doing what i do best, eat...

so why? you ask "maren and 1,100 calories?"(sorry i must warn you so much to say to get to my point)Let me share, i'm a mommy of 3 beautiful kids and 60 lbs overweight, and well being super miserable in my own skin being overweight, oh i need to mention all my sister-in-laws had babies during the 3 i had, and are all back to their normal size or heck even smaller then when they started?! ya so gross, i know just not fair! so being unhappy with myself a dear friend mentions this little idea of doing "biggest loser" in bountiful! so i go along with the wonderful idea and join the group. Losing weight and oh wait bonus, there was money involved for the top 3 who lost the most weight, so why not join, perfect idea.

i'm going along doing the program eating my 15oo calories exercising daily making the time, and would ya look at that i lost 12 lbs the frist week and a half! super excited and totally motivated to keep going, i go on an 8 day family vacation to california! now out of my routine i gain back a pound but not discouraged i get back on and go, then i decided to get a job, mmm not so great it's a desk job, so going from always on the go mother of 3, i'm a desk mom sitting pretty much 5 or more hours a day behind a desk, then super tired when i get home i decide to sit more and "rest" i'd still go to the gym and play with the kiddies (not as energetic) but then i found myself eating not so good for you foods and not moving as much as before so the weight kinda crept up just a smidge, so i ask my oh so wonderful trainer what can i do to change the weight from going back up to going back down. he suggests cutting my calories even more down to yep, dare i say 1,100 calories, only cuz my activity level dropped so dramatically. Now crap what am i suppose to eat dang protein bars and water? no sorry sir not my style. so i try and cut the calories down a tad more (not to 1100) and go along my marry way when i come along another bump in the road, a little thing i call "Stress" won't go into detail with this one folks sorry,so now a mix of stress, not as much exercise and eating because of that lovely thing called "stress" i'm not losing weight, i think it's going up, in fact i know its going up so what do i do? i cry. yep all i do is cry, instead of going out and doing something about it i just cry. well as you know even when your feeling down the world does go on without you, so the competition continued and all the other ladies are losing weight dropping real inches and getting bigger smiles, and i'm in the background frustrated and sad. so i go on another family vacation, i get all motivated cuz i'm around my skinny sister-in-laws and i'm back home ready to get going on a strict 1100 calorie diet and exercise my brains out and what happens, the swine flu! i mean come on can't a fat girl catch a break?! so now i'm down and out for 1 and a half weeks and the competition is over in like 3 days. CRAP now what? i can't exercise my brains out like i planned, i don't have energy i mean physically i couldn't lift my youngest baby without needing to catch some air. so what do i do again? i cry. well i'm not a quitter right? i go to the final weigh in and see all the happy skinny smiling faces and it just kills me deep inside. i'll be honest as happy and excited for them as i truly was, i was also hating them. how depressing i was gonna be the "biggest loser" i was gonna "'WOW" the socks of all them, it was suppose to be ME! but instead i'm still the fat girl in last place. But i must add my mom did this competion with me and man, she looks, how you say, FAAAABULOUS! so now i'm the one left behind and it sucks, it sucks really bad, not only am i the only fat girl on BOTH sides of my family, but now i'm the looser of biggest loser. what else can bring me down?well okay after that sobb story i decided i can't let anything else bring me down, i need to get back on my feet and prove to myself that i can be that skinny girl. but one problem, I LOVE FOOD!!! so here's what's up i'm a skinny girl trapped inside a fat girls body, and i need to get that inner skinny girl out to the world. i need to survive on those 1,100 calories my trainer gave me and get skinny!so that's great and all right? well the only problem is it's super tough, dieting is maybe the hardest thing in the world for me. i love exercising and i love being active, but put junk food in front of me and bam i fall like a fat kid in gym class. i'm just a sucker for gross fattning bad for ya but oh so good food. there i said it i'm a food-a-holic. is there some sort of A-A meeting for food-a-holics? i mean of course it would be called F-A meeting right? but anyway yep i'm an addict. i can sit down and eat me some 5 or more oreos or more then a good handful of chocolate coverd almonds or even some warm and fresh doughnut, mmm i'm hungry, can you hold up while i get something to eat... dang it! back on track maren gotta focus. right so where was I? oh ya i'm just a freakin' food maniac. now i wouldn't say i sit down and induldge and polish off a whole bag of potato chips or i don't eat like 3 hamburgers at once, oh wait secretly once in my life i did, i ate 3 jr. bacon cheese burgers from wendys all by my lonesome self. sad i know. anyhow, i'm saying i do like to eat and i do spread my indulgences through out the day. i mean i really like salads without a lot of dressing and i LOVE fruit and some veggies, but really my problem is the junk food. now on top of the junk food i love oh so much, i am a very big emotional eater. yup i'lll eat when i'm happy, i'll eat if i'm sad, i'll eat if i'm celebrating, i'll eat if i'm stressed, bring on any emotion and i'll pair it with food. Now i understand that there really are people out there who just really don't understand how that feels, and i honestly envy you! so just continue to roll your eyes like i'm just using that as my excuse, but really emotional eating is a huge problem. i wish i could be feeling a certain emotion, and instead of turning to food, turn to my other passions in life, but it just doesn't work that way. really i've tried. so what else is there to do, become emotion-less? sorry folks not gonna happen. well i'm gonna try and figure that out and along the way try and put you in what it really feels like to be in a fat girls shoes. Oh and please don't say "your not fat" come on people i've heard that one before, & I do have eyes that see and mirrors that work. so put your lies away and just wrap your arms around this GIANT adventure and hold on tight, cuz it's not gonna be an easy ride. oh and please if i throw a few fat jokes in take my fat humor lightly it's just silly words of expression, really. so let me take you inside what it's like to be a skinny girl trapped inside a fat girl body! and i'm gonna be as open and as honest as possible some days may be funny, some may be boring to read, some may be a bit too honest, and some may be sad to read, but i figure the only way to get through this and off my fat soap box once and for all is to share my story with the world! and really show you what oh mo many thousand of us fat women go through, so enjoy...