too long...

HOLY! it's been way too long. Let me just say the internet is a bitter sweet thing. Mine hasn't been working for sooo long that I haven't been able to update everyone on what's going on.
Well let me give you the annoying update! Last weekend my darling hubby took our family up to Park City for my little girls 3rd birthday. Well there's pretty good shopping up there so we took advantage and went to the outlets. We were having pretty good luck finding things that fit. (usually a challange) when my husband wanted to go into polo to look at their dress shirts. Well just our luck. there was a sales ASSociate standing at the front, I'm guessing he was there to greet customers, but instead of feeling welcome he totally gave us a discusted look and rolled his eyes. I saw the whole thing and was really annoyed by it, in fact kinda hurt. Just cuz 2 "bigger" people walked into your store doesn't mean you have to judge us! So I said out loud "that was really rude of him to look at us that way" i said it loud enough for him to hear. & I know he heard it cuz he looked at me and slowly walked to the back of the store. I was really to the point of just mentioning something to one of the other associates, when I saw one of them who was bigger than me! I couldn't believe it, I felt bad for her, I mean if one of her co-workers was glaring at us, then how does he treat her? Ugh. Let me say it really ruined my happy shopping moment. But we left the store and I pushed it to the back of mind. Well I wanted to go into American Eagle and check out what's Hot, and I found some cute stuff, but again i saw the glances, this time from High school girls. I know I know it shouldn't affect me that much, I mean heck I have 3 kids plus i'm older then them, but come on it still bugs. so that was it i turned around walked out and said I'm done. How frustrating. it was just overwhelming. I mean how did I let myself get this way?
Another really frustrating thing, I was looking in the mirror, which I shouldn't do, but I do it anyway. I saw what?! Stretch marks! how gross, i mean isn't having to expose my fat arms to the world enough? now I have stretch marks to scare people? ugh, it really was rough. I couldn't stop thinking about it, i got in bed and my husband could tell something was wrong. I couldn't help but have tears in my eyes and I just told him "why did I let myself become this way?" ya really sad. So he had encouraging words and told me how beautiful I am, and said that I can do this.
So here's the good news. I haven't been munching as much. I have made better choices and I am just not really hungry. I feel like I can change. I am going to focus on my eating and get it in check and then start my exercise program. I don't want my kids to think it's okay to be unhealthy, i also don't want them to not be able to hug me with their arms all the way around me.
so back to the entry a while ago. my goal I still can accomplish my small simple goal. How are you doing on yours? lets keep in touch...
I'm not gonna let what happened to us in Park City get me down. I'm not gonna let other people crush me. right?! Nope I'm not! I'm gonna just let it motivate me. So the moral of my stories? when you fall of your horse climb back up and keep riding...